You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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