Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Sorry about my life...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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