he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
