I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
