Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
