I'd wear matching sweaters with you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
