you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
