Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the day after is always just damage control
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize