I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
