I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
this will be a night to untag.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
