Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
