Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
