shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
