Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
