Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
