I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
