So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
