You just made me feel so damn special
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
