You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
