1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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