Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
