You can't special order awesome
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
