Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
