Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize