Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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