You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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