some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
