Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
3 2 1 whiskey
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
