happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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