is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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