I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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