omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
