You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
