I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
