We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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