The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
