I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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