I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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