kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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