I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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