Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
