it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
