Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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