I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
