Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
