All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
