I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Of course I have a pirate flag
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
