Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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