It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
