I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
