So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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