she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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