My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
