Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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