Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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