i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
