apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize