I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
