It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
