ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
