did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am spending my child support on dildos
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
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