I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
