I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
that is very illegal...i love you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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