Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
