god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
